“Confidence is a state of being, not a list of accomplishments. Accomplishments are a bi-product of confidence.” ~ Raj Girn, Confidence Coach, Consultant & Mentor | Founder, The Open Chest® Confidence Academy
Hi Friend,
People (especially BIPOC women) often ask me where I got my confidence from.
My answer?
I built it the long way – breaking down a long list of limiting beliefs that I had been directly and indirectly conditioned into believing (from a very early age), was my narrative.
Duly, I did all the “thing things” that I was expected to do (get married, have children, support my husband’s dreams, be an exceptional host, stay quiet, stay under 120lbs, and be grateful for my life).
When I turned 30, something just switched in my head, brought on by a sinking feeling in my heart.
I didn’t want to carry the burden of fitting into someone else’s version of me anymore. It was too hard and I couldn’t find a size that fit all of who I was so desperately wanting to be, in the maze of who in reality I was . . .
➡ A woman
➡ A minority
➡ A minority woman (far more limiting combined than separate as above)
➡ A divorcee
➡ A single parent
And . . .
➡ No business degree
➡ No media degree
Oh, and . . .
➡ No corporate network base
➡ No celebrity “in”
Worst of all . . .
➡ No confidence whatsoever, because confidence wasn’t an asset where I came from.
I was so uncomfortable that even though I had a fear of the unknown, the fear of the known was far worse. And what I knew in the deepest part of my soul was that I wasn’t happy. In fact, I was numb, because the unhappiness was so unbearable that my being just shut off so as to protect me from the trauma of it all.
I knew what I had to do, and although it took me 30 years to get there (I’m now 52), I knew I had no other option if I was to have some semblance of tranquility in the chaos that was my (internal) life. So I dived head (somewhat) and heart (fully) into the unknown. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a walk in the park – rather, a slide down an uneven mountain side, into a deep, muddy valley.
One by one over time, I broke away from many (not all) of the limits my conditioned narrative bound me to. This allowed me to carefully carve out one that was completely alien to me, but felt like home.
Many ask me how I did it. Here’s how . . .
. . . By helping others like me (the misfits) find a place where their narrative had a home. That home was a boutique media and events community I founded in 2002 called ANOKHI (with iterated micro pivots along the way = VIBE, MAGAZINE, MEDIA, and now LIFE).
Since then, the brand has gone on to make momentous strides in unchartered territory and broken barriers that seemed unbreakable. Building this community to help others has helped me find the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle that have resulted in me creating my own, unique narrative (there’s a reason I chose the name ‘anokhi’, which means ‘unique’ or ‘different’).
It’s this that finally helped me succeed at life – by redefining my narrative through helping others lean into theirs.
I discovered something very important that helped me crack the code – that a narrative is based on a “state of being,” not a list of accomplishments. Yet because of my state of being, I was able to amass a long list of accomplishments I would have never believed that I could – go figure!
Today, post the BLM movement which took centre stage during the lockdown, there’s been so much talk and discussion about narrative, which in turn has seen the emergence of so many identities and identifiable persons in communities around the world. This is a good thing, because all identities need to be seen and heard equally (a current work in progress). However, for businesses who are marketing to them, it’s become far more difficult to do so, due to the sensibilities of the identified and the ignorance of those who are searching for ways to identify them. It leaves many of us asking:
“Who do they identify as?”
“What are their values?”
“How do I connect with them authentically?”
“Will I offend them if I say ‘this’?”
If this is something that you struggle with, then I invite you to book a free discovery call with me and let’s see if I can help you, help you!
And for those of you who aren’t bought in yet, I know there’s a big mindset shift to be accomplished here, especially for those of us who are not trained to look at opportunities that reside outside of conventional wisdom. So my advice to you if that’s you, is to take a leap of faith and open your mind to look beyond your conditioning, and expand your horizons – my team and I can help you do that to meet you where you are and to assist in taking you to where you so desperately need to go!
>>> We have worked with over 5,000 brands over a span of 20 years in the branding, communications, media, and marketing space, so you’re in great hands when you’re ready to leap forward with your professional and/or personal goals <<<
At THE OPEN CHEST CONFIDENCE ACADEMY, we focus on 3 ways to accomplish this:
– Coaching, Consulting, and Mentoring: To work with me directly, one-on-one virtually, towards specific goals and objectives.
– Team Retainers: To work with me and my team virtually (especially suited to solopreneurs or small businesses, as we act as your team to support you where its most needed until you’re able to hire an in-house team).
– Media Services: To work with my extended team to create your brand, communications, media, and marketing assets to build your authority roadmap (branding assets, podcast production, digital course production, media training & placements, speaking engagements, and much more).
My team and I hope to have the opportunity to work with you when you’re ready! And if that’s now, book a FREE discovery call HERE so we can figure out the best course of action for you in the short (1-3 months), medium (1-6 months), and long term (up to 12 months).
If you just have a question or two, feel free to email us at [email protected].
Oh, and don’t forget to scroll down to access 2 free podcast trainings at The Transform Your Confidence Show HERE and HERE.
And finally, I’d like to sincerely thank you so much for hanging out with me here. I sincerely hope I bring some value into your world and if I do, show me some love by following me @RajGirn on my socials at LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Clubhouse, TikTok, and YouTube.
Until next week, take care of yourself and your loved ones!
